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Main Discussion

getting a mortgage these days
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Faoilleach99
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:00
have you done this recently? is it still just payslips?

I have heard tell that some places might examine your bank statements. If this is true, I might need to change banks. And stop spending my money on weird shiz.
Wellington
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:04
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Yes.

Did it through HSBC. They wanted 3 months payslips and 3 months bank statements.

Not helpful when your friends take great delight by labellling bank transfers to you as "Drugs and Hookers", "Gak Re-up" and "Massive Dildos"
daddycam
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:05
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bank statements?
you're doing well if they don't want your inside leg measurement and to root through your bins...
Parsnip
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:06
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They want you on the phone for about 2 hours to ask loads of pointless questions about your finances. that's just to open a bank account
in the ningwangnong
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:06
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Heh@welly's m7 Dave
Catherine Morland
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:07
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Payslips and bank statements for six months

I thought it was just going to be three so was very sensible for three months
Wellington
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:08
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proper laddish bantz wango.

Basically you need to stay of gambling websites for 3 months and not get overdrawn.
Brad's big donger
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:11
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I think they are more interested in GCSEs these days
pancake humper
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:11
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just do all your dodgy spending on a credit card
Brad's big donger
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:12
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Or through your black ops account
stardust
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:12
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Ours was HSBC as well. Three months of everything. Luckily I have most things with them anyway.
Faoilleach99
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:34
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I have heard hsbc is extra harsh so I will be avoiding them

just wondered if was standard

surely if you have successfully paid a mortgage for the last near decade, your circumstances have not changed and any habits you have are clearly under control this should be enough?!

I actually did think about that, pankers, but wouldn't they then ask for your credit card statement too?
Faoilleach99
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:34
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heh@gcse
Faoilleach99
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:35
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ffs

I haven't actually even looked at my credit rating

it's probably EXTRA RED
Faoilleach99
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:37
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DOES THE LOTTERY COUNT AS A GAMBLING SITE?

sorry, caps lock
daddycam
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:38
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it's probably "tartan", Custards...
fine for now, but when the haggis-balloon goes up, then what? Will they be losing their kilts on get-rich-quick Scots Govt kipper-backed bonds?
Faoilleach99
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:40
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so APPARENTLY they stress test it to see what would happen if you went on maternity leave!

fvcking cocks

Faoilleach99
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:40
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heh@haggis balloon
stardust
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:44
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They weren't harsh at all. Really friendly. Go to a mortgage advisor?
Faoilleach99
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:45
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it is probable that your bank statement reveals a less chaotic dickhead lifestyle than mine, starrers

did they ask you why you incurred certain expenditure?

my answer for most of those questions would be unsatisfactory
Brad's big donger
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:46
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It's a classic Rofmeme, curry stain!
Faoilleach99
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:46
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I once went on a day trip to London at the last minute to watch an outdoor performance of a Martin Luther King film in order to smooth things over with a friend who had fallen out with me over a man

by once I mean like last year

it cost £400
It's not Christmehs :(
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:48
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They went through my bank statements, asked me how much I spent on everything and then suggested I could afford to pay more every month on a mortgage with a shorter term. When I wanted to go with the term I'd selected I was made to justify it.

Because I'd like more money to spend on stuff.

I'm sorry, I need a better reason than that?

Um.... I might need the extra money in the future for other stuff, or to save for something big.

Like what?

I don't know. I'd just prefer to have more expendable income really.

I need to put something down on the form. What big expenses might you have?

Well I guess someone might want to marry me one day. I'd need to pay for that.

Ah great, hopes to get married. Yes. That's on my mortgage financial assessment form then. Fab.
The Real Anna
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:51
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Heh!
in the ningwangnong
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:54
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A CAR meh, you always say you want the dosh for a car!
The Real Anna
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:55
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Gin. You need a budget for gin.
Saillaw
Posted - 11 January 2017 11:56
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I need to apply soon so I've been cleaning up my bank statements and carefully putting some stuff on my credit card every month and paying it and then paying money into my savings account so that they can see that between my existing mortgage payments and the cash I'm saving I can easily pay my future increased mortgage payments.

I've also gone back to using cash in pubs and bars so that my bank statement doesn't make me look like a drunkard with assorted late night card transactions.
It's not Christmehs :(
Posted - 11 January 2017 12:17
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I already had a car!
daddycam
Posted - 11 January 2017 12:18
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heroin.... sorry heron!, I'm a big fan of spindly birds...!
Queen E
Posted - 11 January 2017 12:22
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The last time we had to do an 'affordability study' to re-mortgage we were told that according to the computer we were unable to afford the current mortgage we had which we had been overpaying on for 10 fucking years.

Took five months of negotiation until we found a grown up who could over-ride the computer system.

Oh and they always give really helpful advice, like 'your childcare costs are quite high' and 'would you consider giving up Sky TV and stopping wearing contact lenses?'
It's not Christmehs :(
Posted - 11 January 2017 12:27
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I think I also confused him a bit as I had two current accounts with the same bank, one main and one basic for spending money and a few saver accounts where I stashed money for holidays, treats, bills and savings. Lots of cross transfers. Since then I just whacked it all in Santander121.5.
Spadea ain't afraid of ya
Posted - 11 January 2017 12:47
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HSBC were complete spazzcocks when I wanted interest only as they assumed zero growth of investments over the term and said I had to invest enough to cover the principal over the term, like a repayment mortgage. I moved my account once I gidged elsewhere and enjoyed it when they called me 2 weeks later not realising I was no longer a customer.

It's such a ballsache these days, just use a broker and then cross check with the best buy tables to catch any lenders that are only available direct.
Wellington
Posted - 11 January 2017 12:49
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use a broker but also independently check HSBC (and maybe Frist Direct) as they do not work with brokers.
Saillaw
Posted - 11 January 2017 12:52
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I've been talking to Handelsbanken and there a named person in the branch makes the decision except in special cases which have to be referred higher up the chain. As a result they will take into account of all of your assets and gladly tell you what you can do to enable them to say yes. A thousand times better than dealing with someone in a call centre following the script and what the algorithm says.
Penrose2017
Posted - 11 January 2017 15:46
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Both my friend and uncle used Handelsbank, and recommended them 100%. All and any decisions are made by the local store manager, and not some computer. I recently opened an account with Metro Bank,and they also claim that lending decisions are made in branch. Don't know if this s true though?
Faoilleach99
Posted - 11 January 2017 15:53
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I like computers

I don't like human deciders

Heh@the nosy wedding noter. I would've said boob jobs and holidays.