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Main Discussion

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Osama
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:13
is a tree brushing your roof?
Asturias es mi patria
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:15
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Did you put the monkey out?
The Darce
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:16
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Probably a pigeon go to sleep
Gannicus
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:17
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Probably a Matty infestation. Put down some strychnine - that should sort it.
Asturias es mi patria
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:23
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Did you forget to feed the Geko??

Uh oh...
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:26
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It is digging. I can hear it moving around. Scratch scratch scratch like it's digging into the ceiling. A bird wouldn't do this. It's nesting or collecting.

I know we have bats up there but they are quiet. This is a bigger thing. Like a squirrel... it's munching/crunching.

Yikes
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:28
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Nicking my loft insulation probably - for nesting
Osama
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:29
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your wife?
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:32
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Rats it can't be. They would not arrive in the toofspace without having infested lower levels first, and to do that they would have had to get past the and cat. Will chuck in some poison plates and see what occurs. V loud for .
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:32
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Toofspace heh
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 14 March 2017 23:34
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Tiled roof and half tile hung house. No obvious opening though the bats get in...I don't know how.
sporting_zucchini
Posted - 15 March 2017 00:20
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I had rats in the loft but they were very quiet. Only discovered this when the buyer's surveyor opened the loft hatch and was showered with bits of dried rat . Unfortunately he did not see the funny side.

Currently there is a starling refurbishing his nest in my loft, with random knocking noises. But not at night.

If it was a squirrel I would be concerned because they can cause major damage costing thousands to fix.
Didge is blankety blank
Posted - 15 March 2017 00:32
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We had rats in the loft when I was a kid. Just the loft. My parents didn't believe me when I said I could hear things scuttling about and sliding on the floor above my room. Then my mum found some old dolls* up there had been chewed.

*odder when autotext turned dolls to folks...
steady
Posted - 15 March 2017 01:24
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Rats in roof is unfortunately common. Up the drain pipe and in under the tiles.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 07:32
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Urghhh

Right those fuckrrs are going to get it tonight. Traps and poison. Total clear out of the few things that are in there and I will also take the cat in with me though she won't appreciate the ladder business. Maybe some clay pads for print ID also
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 07:34
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The chewing sounded bigger than . I could hear gnawing of joists.
Spurius Odus
Posted - 15 March 2017 07:39
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It's squirrels. I've had this. They destroyed the insulation. Act fast Botti.
left-arm wheels
Posted - 15 March 2017 08:00
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There's a bloody scary episode of Luther that starts like this!
Bobbie-Fleckmann
Posted - 15 March 2017 08:02
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Where do you live? Could be glass gliss if Buckinghamshire ish. If it is, we need to pray for you
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 08:02
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Sorry to make u sound like a massive fanny but this sounds like house sparrows to me clive.
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 08:09
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"Fuckinell - There's something in the loft space."

Neil Hannon's working title for what became 'Something For The Weekend'?
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 15 March 2017 08:14
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Could be wasps. My brother had a wasp nest over six feet wide in his loft
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 08:20
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Wasps pulping up the wood sounds like fast dripping water / very light
tapping - OP sounds like this is much bigger / louder noises.

Wombat?
Heffalump
Posted - 15 March 2017 08:44
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probably a possum
Trigger Warning
Posted - 15 March 2017 08:52
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A dormouse under the roof can be very noisy. But they come in when it gets cold, not in spring.
InfiniteMonkeyTheorem
Posted - 15 March 2017 09:04
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Are you sure it is in the loft Shami? Have you entirely discounted the possibility of some sort of flesh eating bettle rooting around inside your skull?
Queenie E
Posted - 15 March 2017 09:52
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Also had rats in the loft. Which we discovered when we went to sort out all the baby stuff for no.2 and found it destroyed, with a few nice rat skeletons. Fvckers.
camenbert
Posted - 15 March 2017 09:54
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napalm it - it's the only way to be sure.

On the plus side, you'll have an excuse to buy lots of woodworking tools and scaffolding kit as you rebuild the roof...
Clergs (!)
Posted - 15 March 2017 09:55
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the telltale sign of rats (ime) is that they sound really heavy

clump clump clump like a small

scurry and squirrels leap

rats own their space
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 09:58
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minkie
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:08
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We had starings when I was a kid, clue was it smelt fishy in the attic room. We also had squirrels, lots of damage.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:25
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This is not birds. There's no brrr and flapping around. There is just movement and scraping. When I bang on the ceiling it goes hush and nothing for 10 mins then scurry and gnaw gnaw gnaw

Squirrells or rats I think
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:26
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trap?
Coracle Lolling
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:26
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Hmmm.....

Tuesday: my axle is getting delivered I'm so excited I want to bunk off work and play around with it in my workshop

Wednesday: oh dear, that's an infestation in my attic I'm going to have to move into my workshop
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:29
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cover blown...

Need to install a wood burner in the workshop. and maybe a sofa.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:29
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axle was NOT delivered yesterday. WHERE IS IT???
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:30
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It's totally sparrows u garganto wuss
Coracle Lolling
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:33
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axle was NOT delivered yesterday. WHERE IS IT???

The rats are playing with it in the attic.
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:34
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I'm putting a fiver on a slowly dying seagull that's had both its wings gnawed off.

By rats.
camenbert
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:36
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get a organ, see if they can fix the tractor for you...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAaKSzqT0DU
Saillaw
Posted - 15 March 2017 10:43
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I had wasps last summer and it sounded like something eating the plaster board because that's what it was. Started off a light scratching but got louder and louder to the point where I went to bang the ceiling one night and saw the wallpaper looked a bit odd and poked it and my finger started to go through it. That resulted in loud buzzing and antennae poking through the crack to covered it in parcel tape, shut the door and legged it to the spare room.
Siegfreid
Posted - 15 March 2017 11:24
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We had creatures in Germany called Marder. They were proper pests, about the size of a cat and with a very great affinity for the insolation on wires under car bonnets. They would crawl up there at night and in the morning you'd have a colossal bastard bill winging its way to you.

Botti, if you poison the rats, do be careful about the type. You don't want them hiding away to die, it will stink up the house. There is a type that drives them to drink (called Wife)
tuscaniopolis
Posted - 15 March 2017 11:34
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We had bats and wasps
Both silent

It's a fucking dirty great rat
Osama
Posted - 15 March 2017 11:38
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get down to your local gun/crossbow shop mutts
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 11:41
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We had some alien facesuckers, to start with.

They mostly came out at night. Mostly.

Then it all got weird when one of us had a bad tummy at dinner.

It got really messy.

Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 12:42
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I have already had wasps and hornets. I don't have a problem with them as I keep bees and can remove nests no probs.
Rats really give me the willies. Neosorexa is the bait I have a bucket of in the barn. That has wiped out rats in the vicinity of the pond in years gone by.

I think its a squirrel. If it is a rat then I am going in tonight, nervous but ready. **** I hate rats.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 12:43
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Os, I don't need to get to the shop, I have four of them ready already.
sad banta
Posted - 15 March 2017 12:45
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The last time I killed a rat, I had to hit it with a pickaxe. First blow didn't quite land right. It was screaming at me. Head thrashing around, teeth bared. Still gives me shudders.
Osama
Posted - 15 March 2017 12:51
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Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:13
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I am not shooting in the roofspace at night. A hole in the roof would be bad. Listed building etc.

the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:15
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Very hard to hit a sparrow too in the dark
Osama
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:17
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It could get a bit Tom and Jerry up there
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:23
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heh. I may take a hot iron and anvil, some stuff borrowed off Wyle E Coyote (Acme dynamite, skis with rollerblade wheels, back rocket etc) and get in there.
Siegfreid
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:29
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Rentokil would charge how much? They'd probably use poison gas.
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:30
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Can of WD40 and a lighter.

Good luck, soldier.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:32
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Rentokil come in and say "OOOOOOH YOU'VE GOT LIONS IN THERE" then charge fifty grand to spray foam all over the place blocking holes.

I have three species of bats in that space and they are all protected and must come and go. This is why something else has come - but not gone. I will sort that detail.

Think of me, brothers, as I venture forth tonight.

If I don't make it, think this of me: I was not as funny as I used to be up until the point where I was eaten by a HUGE rat.
Osama
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:34
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have a rope round your waist so the missus can pull you out
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:35
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^^^ That's for after he's cleared the loft, right Os? ^^^
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:35
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Suggest don't watch dr who and the talons of weng chian tonight

Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:36
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should I use the cat as a stun grenade perhaps - lob her in and shut the hatch, wait for the sound of action then go in and clear out?
camenbert
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:36
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heh! at "you've got lions in there"
"yeah, guv, there's a lot of it about. cos of all the impalas that root around the bins. Look, there's a bit of mane. You usually spot them by the BBC film crew following them round to be honest. We'll put some traps down, don't worry, you can just throw them in the bin if you get one."

in the bottihouse, the quiet bottihouse,
the lion chews tonight...
awimowe (etc)
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:37
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urgh that pic is actually quite frightening.

That choice of tweed is a disahster dahling.
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:39
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Never mind the tweed - he has blue moulded plastic Y-fronts - URGH!

Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:43
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do we not all wear those then?..

...creeps away and throws away blue moulded pants.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:46
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I am already quite nervous about tonight's challenge.

It's all a bit Indiana Jones. I need a flaming torch. Alternatively I need a snake.
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:47
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And some chEEEEEEElled monkey brains
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:47
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A hungry snake is probably the answer. But then I will need a raptor to get the snake. Then what?
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:48
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And make sure you have a Go-Pro on your helmet.
Osama
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:50
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a net and a trident
camenbert
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:51
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flamethrower - rats hate fire...
*pre-books fire engine*
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:51
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Darts.

Do it f'Bully.

And a speedboat.
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 13:52
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"A hungry snake is probably the answer. But then I will need a raptor to get the snake. Then what?"

I remember reading a manual about this once - it involves something wriggling and tiggling and jiggling inside ye
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 14:03
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Helmet??
I aint getting that out when there are rats about.
and I didn't know you could get a gopro mount for that.
Osama
Posted - 15 March 2017 14:06
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those knee length leather boots youve got in case things get a bit bitey
Siegfreid
Posted - 15 March 2017 14:10
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On you tube there is footage of a pair of terriers taking on a barn full of rats. They worked out sharpish that it was quicker to tear them in two while working as a pair rather than shaking them to death.

A bit like travelers at a fair
Queenie E
Posted - 15 March 2017 14:10
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1. Buy bait box
2. Throw in loft
3. Wait a couple of days then go in with bin bag and rubber gloves.
Osama
Posted - 15 March 2017 14:18
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ideally you want a rear gunner too, lest they sacrifice the "small" one as they gather behind you in a line
Bright Carver
Posted - 15 March 2017 14:24
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Just like 'Dam, Os, just like 'Dam.
Back to Cyprian :)
Posted - 15 March 2017 14:36
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I've had squirrels, , ladybirds and wasps in my loft at various times. Quite an achievement as it's been converted so there's only approx. 5sq m of loft space left. are very loud.

Glue traps, and proper second generation poisons will do it. are immune to most poisons these days, so go to your local agri shop and sweet talk the boss to selling you some of the good stuff they save for farmers. Mole Valley Farmers use to sell SlayMor via mail order, but no-more...
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 15:37
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bitey

not a word I am happy with.


when we moved into the house there was a pond dug out with the clay spoil heaped into a sort of mound/wall between pond and lawns. The clay had been dug quite a bit, and had a swiss hole effect in one area. The lady fed the birds near there and when I was in the house with the builders we saw loads of rats coming out and eating the bird food.

So I got lots of firelighters and lit them one by one and lobbed them down the holes. Waited about 10 mins then WAHEY they all came out of the one hole I had left open without a fire in it. That led straight into the pond so they started to swim and my son and I stood on the other side with his 4-10 and my 12 bore and shot 17 of them. Never saw or heard of another rat there ...until now.
camenbert
Posted - 15 March 2017 15:40
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yeah, you realise they have been waiting and planning don't you...?
Osama
Posted - 15 March 2017 15:40
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Tarantino-esque
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 15:41
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I may have to take the up there too. She has no time for small animals.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 15:44
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may have to take the up there



this sounds all wrong. I am not suggesting animal bum sex by way of comforting distraction.


I meant up into the loft.

Honest.
B'A'M
Posted - 15 March 2017 15:47
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I was just about to write "I don't know how you bumpkins can live in the countryside with all these issues with rodents" then remembered London isn't exactly known for being non-ratty
Fosco
Posted - 15 March 2017 15:49
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Wasps pulping up the wood sounds like fast dripping water / very light
tapping - OP sounds like this is much bigger / louder noises.


You absolute fvcker.

I have spent the last few nights trying to work out what the fast dripping water sound I can hear is.

Now I know it's wasps chomping chomping chomping through the woodwork until eventually they find me or the house falls down.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 15:53
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I have no time for wasps. They get it in the face with wasp killing foam spray and fire every time. And hornets, fuckem. Removed two nests last year. one the size of a rugby ball in the garage loft. One in a bird box outside. Massive fuckers the size of my thumb, and angrily divebombing me. But I win all these battles and have not yet been stung.

Tonight is the mother of all battles, though and involves hot blooded four legged bitey things.

I may have to wear chain mail
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 15:58
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Sparrows only have two legs m6

Each like
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 15:59
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It is not sparrows. These are not chirping cheaping flurrying birdies. These are thumping scrunching bitey things.

The noise last night, which I actually recorded on my phone was the noise of teeth on wood. Like someone was up there with a chisel.

A tooth shaped like a chisel.
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:01
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Are u going to admit it when you go up into the loft tooled uplike arnie in commando and find a sparrow's nest? Nah you'll style it out and say it's a coypu
Osama
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:02
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Beavers
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:03
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If it is a sparrow I will confirm, Wang, but it is not a sparrow. Thank you.

I will take my phone and film the situation*



*the animal's not me shitting myself FAOD
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:04
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There no reason to be rude Osama.
Back to Cyprian :)
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:05
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Probably a colony of False Widows. Forgot to mention that, as the most recent loft discovery (in the conversion room, rather than loft, and just the one).
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:05
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It wouldnt be the first time a roffer sent me footage of a stool he was proud of. Srsly. The naked avenger sent me ringside video of a mosside monster he was about to send off to the irish sea. Funny old place rof
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:08
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OH MY GAAAAD

Spiders. Spiders that can eat through timber.

I am going with a bird to catch the spider etc.

Getting the horse up there will be a bit of a challenge.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:09
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COLONY???
cunctator
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:13
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Are you not worried about using the cat as backup with bats up there? Granted I'm scared of bats but I'd be worried about them attacking the cat.

I know they're not vampire bats but all bats are creepy as **** .
cunctator
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:15
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Also, I once had a fearful night listening to a rat trying to gnaw its way out of a cupboard (someone had tried to chase it out the room and then given up). It was SO LOUD.
minkie
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:32
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Theres always that trick of putting the wrong end of a petrol tool up there to gas them out like what you put down molehills. And then open the hatch afterwards. Get the kids out first, obv.
Heffalump
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:33
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it's probably one of the mutt offspring run away from boarding school
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 16:40
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Eating its way out... gah.. imagine if it succeded in the dead of night, in a downward direction.

PLOP

Onto the bed.

SCREECH



----

the bats are fine little things. Not at all evil or cat threatening. these are smaller than and with furry bodies and skin-wings. So delicate. Delightful little chappies.
Osama
Posted - 15 March 2017 17:18
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Looking forward to tomorrow

Can rats type?
Judy_Carter
Posted - 15 March 2017 17:42
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I am on tenterhooks!
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 17:51
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Sparrows can actually type rudimentary messages in return for seeds. Science boffins said so.
Service charge
Posted - 15 March 2017 17:55
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Don't mean to point out the obvious Mutters but isn't this probably a ghost?

Civil war, would be my guess. Was your house used as a field hospital or such?
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 15 March 2017 17:57
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Without wishing to out mutters his address is 25 Cromwell st...
Service charge
Posted - 15 March 2017 18:02
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Join the dots Mutters
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 18:04
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heh.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 15 March 2017 18:06
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"Sparrows can actually type rudimentary messages in return for seeds. Science boffins said so"


dab dab dab

WHAT'S HE SAYING DAVE?

Shut up... I'm listening...he says... just coz... your wife... bought all that healthy seed shyt... and you won't eat it...does not...give...you the right... to force us Sparrows to help you hide ... the evidence... it tastes... worse than... 3-dux's smegma... message ends.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 16 March 2017 08:16
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Right-oh. Update:

Got up there armed with torch, phone (for pics but also for calling the hostage negotiators or emergency services, as required) poison bait briquettes, traps ( and rat), a steely nerve and a bit of wee ready to escape at will.

I found the loft space in an interesting state.

Under each joist - i.e. The perching point - there was a big pile of bat guano. I'd say piles like someone had spilled a full cereal packet. Looked like but turned to dust if you trod on it ( stays in hard little pellets). Every bit of insulation or spare surface was showered in bat .

Some of the insulation was disturbed. Under the insulation there was a fair bit of chip board waste - piles of sawdust here and there and nuggets of board... but on inspection this sawdust was builders' work. They reinforced the roof lines and where they had cut joists it was soft wood spoil under the cutting point. The bits of chip board, though, were broken off quite randomly like they'd been wrenched. Evidence of something other than a builder at work.

No sign of any rat droppings. One baked bean shaped brown thing out of reach to check it properly - could have been a stone or bit of mortar rather that rat faeces.

No holes in the roof other than the tiny gaps between tiles the bats are inching out of.

Two old hornet nest cells which had been torn up and eaten under the bat roost.

More bats that I knew what to do with, flying at me and backing away. Over time most left leaving two bombing me repeatedly. Quite large. My vids and pics and internet search tell me these are Brown Long-eared Bats. Much bigger and bolder than I thought bats were. Flew at my head and fluttered round me.

Put down 2 trays of rat poison and two traps and we will see. No noise last night.

Bats don't gnaw wood. It cannot have been them.

Found one dozy wasp and sorted him out. Maybe he was doing some loud carpentry? I doubt that.

No sparrows, Wang. No bird droppings at all and no way in or out for them.
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 16 March 2017 08:21
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If a bat can get in a sparrow can. Deffo sparrows.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 16 March 2017 08:26
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You lost the bet and owe me three pints . Get over it and play good loser.
Heffalump
Posted - 16 March 2017 08:46
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um...I don't think you are allowed to poison bats...
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 16 March 2017 08:47
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The bats won't touch the poison will they?
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 16 March 2017 08:48
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Mutters' loft in his head


Mutters' loft in reality

Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:07
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no no no

Bats eat flying insects caught on the wing - moths, ladybirds etc - and spiders - during their feeding cycle after roosting. So they leave the roof to feed. Some species will crawl over branches or fly slowly through shrubs to disturb insects but they don't eat solids on the floor.
The plates of poisoned bait are large briquettes of stuff that looks like plastic but apparently tastes inviting to rodents. Bats wouldn't get near it.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:09
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wang, neither of those. Coypus or sparrows.

We don't have a lot of house sparrows around in the south downs. They are a thing of Surrey and London. We do get hedge sparrows / Dunnocks but pretty sparingly. Mostly its finches and tits.
camenbert
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:10
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"didn't see any rats, just bats"

This is the rats typing isn't it. Using Botti's nibbled corpse as a stand.

yEs, therE is N0thing to see here, just bAts. No Rats at AlL
Heffalump
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:10
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so you're suggesting if you left a pile of freshly dead moths on a plate on the floor the bats wouldn't eat them?
Heffalump
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:11
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heh@cam
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:14
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hOW dARE yOU alleGE this CaM?

Yeah, actually Heff I am saying that. I don't think they eat dead stuff.
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:16
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"We don't have a lot of house sparrows around in the south downs."

Not surprised the amount of rat poison laced moths u leave around the place.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:20
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yeah, and the fact that we all keep raptors.
camenbert
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:23
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At night, Mutters does the chores with his 2 raptors on his shoulders, but has the lights out to avoid disturbing Mrs Mutters. He whistles Enola Gay and Mr Bluesky as he does it...
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:24
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Yeah the way u describe your home life always puts me in mind of KES mutters
Chambers
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:26
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A barn or hawk might sort out the bats.
camenbert
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:29
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At night, Mutters does the chores with his 2 raptors on his shoulders, but has the lights out to avoid disturbing Mrs Mutters. He whistles Enola Gay and Mr Bluesky as he does it...

Seeing as no-one is going to give me the feed line, I'm going to say the punchline anyway

Hawk Kestrel Man Hoovers in the Dark...

geddit?

I'm here all week, try the rat surprise...
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:35
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Oh yes, very good.

But Mr Bluesky was ELO not OMD. You see you put us off the scent there, mate.

I think we can build on this.



hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:36
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This has just made Mrs Frisby and the rats of nimh come to mind.

Loved that book. Must buy for the spawn
camenbert
Posted - 16 March 2017 09:36
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ooops!
Osama
Posted - 16 March 2017 15:16
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the word anti-climax springs to mind...
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 16 March 2017 15:18
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stay tuned Os.
I put two plates with 10 bricks of poison each.

when I pop up there tonight and find they've eaten about 2kg of poison in a day, but still no sign of them, then the story starts to build again.
Back to Cyprian :)
Posted - 16 March 2017 15:21
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What poison?
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 16 March 2017 15:21
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The sparrows will sleep with the fishes tonight
the probosciformed wang
Posted - 16 March 2017 15:21
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not in a good way
Osama
Posted - 16 March 2017 15:22
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can you sell bat guano?
THE INTERNET
Posted - 16 March 2017 15:32
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Or smoke it??
THE INTERNET
Posted - 16 March 2017 15:32
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I want to get hiiiiiigh but I don't know whyyyyy
Osama
Posted - 16 March 2017 15:35
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very definition of bat sh*t mental
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 16 March 2017 15:53
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I think you can pop it on the roses. That's what I did anyway.
THE INTERNET
Posted - 16 March 2017 16:04
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Oh yeh, the roses eh

Wink wink
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 16 March 2017 16:24
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have you been drinking?
Robert Lucas
Posted - 17 March 2017 09:13
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Well? Report! Report!
Queenie E
Posted - 17 March 2017 09:52
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He's been eaten by the killer bats
Queenie E
Posted - 17 March 2017 09:59
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Heh
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 20 March 2017 07:48
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All is well. I was otherwise engaged for a few days so apologies for the silence.
The news is that there has been no scritch stratching since my visit. I have not checked the poison but the bats are still merrily coming and going. I think it was an opportune rodent visitor helping him/herself to wood chip and loft insulation for a nest elsewhere. Rat or squirrel.

stardust
Posted - 20 March 2017 09:54
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I feel like there was a lot of build up in this story with not much return...harrumph. Still, at least there's no rats. I reckon it was an errant squirrel.
Osama
Posted - 20 March 2017 09:59
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See the doctor thread. He's clearly going senile
stardust
Posted - 20 March 2017 10:00
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I don't think he's going senile. I mean, he wasn't to know there wasn't much to tell re the loft, was he?
Osama
Posted - 20 March 2017 10:01
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he doesnt have a loft
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 20 March 2017 10:07
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Heh.
Thanks dusters.

Shut up osama.
stardust
Posted - 20 March 2017 10:11
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Osama, why are you so grumpy and mean? Were you always like that or has work/other circs made you into this? Or is just a case of the Mondays? Either way, cheer up! Mutters is entertaining, probably more than a lot of posters on this board (including yourself) and that is what RoF needs. I don't think his mental capacity needs to be questioned. And, if it does, then your serotonin levels need to be, too.
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 20 March 2017 10:42
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I think he was just teasing - opportunistic heh etc to lighten the mood. He's not a bad man. But many thanks anyway.
Bright Carver
Posted - 20 March 2017 10:47
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Um, dusters - Os was diagnosed with a seriously pre-tangential non-operable humerus last week...
stardust
Posted - 20 March 2017 10:55
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Hmm, you can never tell with some people....

BC - unless there's a JustGiving page with this story on, I won't believe you
Osama
Posted - 20 March 2017 11:22
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heh,i cant believe anyone would take those posts seriously....

Its always tongue in cheek

join my gang Dusters
Shami's Chakra botti
Posted - 20 March 2017 11:23
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Os said that in a Gary Glitter "my gang" way, just to warn you