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The Lawyer Sex Doll Emails Part 1 (Possibly NSFW)

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16 November 2016 13:02

The other day my colleague Matthew emailed about an important assignment. Here's what happened.


From: news@rollonfriday.com
Sent: 27 October 2016
To: Jamie; James
Subject: Fwd: Inquiry

Normally I just delete these things immediately. But surely this is an exceptional business opportunity for us?

I am absurdly tardy today. Just out of the tube. I will come in via pret bearing coffee and bacon. Any particular orders?

M

Begin forwarded message:

       From: "Entity Doll"
       Date
: 27 October 2016
       To
: news@rollonfriday.com
       Subject
: Re: Inquiry

Dear Partner

we supply many lifesize entity sex dolls for sale with good price and quality.

Welcome to become our selling partner,we can offer beautiful photos for you to sell and do one drop ship for you.

So you don't need to have large stock and easy to begin your business and earn money.

Tks and best regards

Entity Doll Online
Email: entitydoll@126.com


From: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 27 October 2016
To: entitydoll@126.com; en5145127969@163.com
Subject: Inquiry

Hi Entity Doll 

We’re extremely interested in this. We believe the London legal community is a market ripe for sex dolls. Pls can you provide some photos and, ideally, a sample doll dressed as a lawyer.

Thanks

Jamie


From: entitydoll 
To: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 31 October 2016
Subject: Re:Inquiry

Dear Jamie

Our website is http://www.entity-doll.com

We have styles and photos and details on line. and many news one will be added soon.
 
For prices,are you  interested in one drop ship  or need to purchase some styles for sale?

If you like any one of them, or would like to sell some styles of them, then we will tell you cost from us.

For ship, we do one drop ship for you from shenzhen of china.

Tks and best regards

Contact : Kevin
Entity Doll Online  
Email: entitydoll@126.com


From: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 31 October 2016
To: 'entitydoll'
Subject: RE: Inquiry

Dear Kevin

I have browsed your online catalogue at length but I cannot find a lawyer sex doll?

The nearest thing to a lawyer sex doll I can find is Office Lady Alice: 



Can you send me a picture of her wearing a barrister’s wig or at a desk doing paperwork?

I am also interested in the 145cm Male Sex Doll For Women. 



Can men also use him? If so, please send me a picture of him dressed in a suit like a lawyer would wear instead of mesh Y-fronts, ideally while using the telephone or at a photocopier. Lawyers here will be imagining having an office romance with these beautiful silicone dolls and I need to know they look credible playing the role of a barrister or solicitor.

If the pictures look ok I am interested in placing an initial order of 50 Office Lady Alices and 200 Male Sex Dolls For Women. Can you handle an order of this magnitude?

Just to be clear, I intend to resell the dolls to frustrated lawyers in London and the UK. They currently use real people, blow-up dolls or their imagination. I would like to repeat the following statements you use in your promotional literature to convince them to abandon these inferior methods of release: 

There are many reasons for buying a sex doll, but here are just a few of the many benefits.

-Easy sex with a beautiful girl anytime day or night

-No condoms ever needed

-No STDs

-No fear of pregnancy

-Your sex doll isn't needy and won't ask anything from you

-Help improve sexual stamina

-Silicone sex dolls have limbs that move and bend to offer you so many different sexual positions

-Fully inflatable sex dolls are low priced, but they can pop very easily and then you don't have a doll anymore.”


You also describe a care routine:

“After you have finished using her to your satisfaction, simply wash her off with warm water which has a small amount of mild soap added to it. Rinse her off with clean warm water before drying her thoroughly. Allow her to air dry completely before storing her back in her special place.”

A lot of my potential customers work late and will want to store their chilling dolly in a “special place” in the office. Do they fit in a filing cabinet? If not, are the dolls sufficiently lifelike that they could simply be posed at a desk in the corner? People will probably only be glancing in these lawyers’ rooms occasionally rather than wanting to go in, so they don’t have to be 100% convincing.

Yours

Jamie


From: entitydoll
Sent: 31 October 2016 
To: Jamie Hamilton
Subject: Re:RE: Inquiry

Dear Jamie

So nice to get your email.

we like to take photos for you very quickly.
can you give us some pictures of the cloth (suit) and barrister’s wig   you like ?
Then we can find most similar beautiful  cloth and wig ,then dressed them as your request and take photos for you.

For  the 145cm Male Sex Doll For Women,if  you need men can use it,we can product as your request with hole that men can use it too.

We have  filing cabinet as a special place to keep the doll, I will send you pictures for choice tomorrow.


For an initial order of 50 Office Lady Alices and 200 Male Sex Dolls For Women, Yes it is sure we  can handle. Our factory is keeping making dolls everyday  ,materails and moulds all are ready in our warehorse.


Tks
kevin


From: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 31 October 2016
To: 'entitydoll'
Subject: RE: RE: Inquiry

Hi Kevin

Thank you for your rapid response. 

Here is the type of wig for Office Lady Alice:

 

Here is a male lawyer at a photocopier in a suit:

 

Ideally he should be wearing a jacket too, such as in this photo:

 

Please could I see the following photos:

-Office Lady Alice wearing the wig and clothes standing up and giving a speech in court.

-Office Lady Alice wearing JUST a wig while giving a speech in court (I.e. naked).

-The Male Sex Doll at the photocopier in the same pose as the man at the photocopier above .

-The Male Sex Doll at a desk in the same pose as the man in the photo above, clutching a phone (I assume that is possible with the doll’s poseable metal-jointed fingers?). Please can he be fully dressed but with his bellend peeping above the desk.

-Both dolls at a meeting with real human beings, studying paperwork.

That should be sufficient.

To confirm: yes, the Male Sex Doll does need to have an anus.

Thanks

Jamie


From: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 31 October 2016 
To: 'entitydoll'
Subject: RE: RE: Inquiry

Hi Kevin

My directors have asked me to check whether there is a discount available for such a large bulk order. Could you let me know?

Thanks

Jamie


From: entitydoll
Sent: 01 November 2016 
To: Jamie Hamilton
Subject: Re:RE: RE: Inquiry

Dear Jamie
we are prepareing to take photos now and it will need some days.

For prices, it is sure we will give  you good discount as bulk price.

Tks
kevin


From: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 01 November 2016 
To: 'entitydoll'
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Inquiry

Hi Kevin

Days? I thought they would be done more quickly.  Please hurry, major blue balls here.

Good news on the discount though.

Thanks

Jamie


From: Entity doll
Sent: 02 November 2016
To: Jamie Hamilton
Subject: Re: Inquiry

Dear Jamie

tks for reply, it is not so easy, we need to look for right cloth and right places to take the photos.

also need person to do the work.  We also need to spend cost on the work, so could you share the cost together with us,US$350.0 is ok for you for the both style pictures?
and just to show  sincerity to do business with us.

When you got the good pictures, you can directly send to your customers,and purchase order. How do you think?thanks.
and the photos we will only give to you, won't send to others and won't add on our website.

as you said,"Please hurry, major blue balls here.", really a big market chance now.

Best regards
kevin


From: Jamie
Sent: 02 November 2016
To: Entity doll
Subject: Re: Inquiry

Kevin

You only need to dress them in a suit and a wig. Surely someone in your office has a suit? You can't all be wearing mesh pants. It doesn't have to be Savile Row. And the wig needn't be genuine horsehair.  Get a novelty one from Amazon. They make them in China, they must be incredibly cheap there.

Then just snap the compliant silicone lawyers on your phone in a room. Any room will do.  I assume you make these infernal creatures indoors. Take the photos there. I'm not asking you to actually smuggle Office Girl Alice into a court room and prop her up in front of a jury wearing nowt but a hairpiece. Mock up your boardroom or something.

 I do intend to attract customers with these photos, but it doesn't have to be perfect. They won't be asking why Martin Lust (working title) doesn't have any deal trophies on his windowsill when his prong's sticking out. They just need a suggestion of reality, enough for them to come

alive with the possibilities , e.g. posing a lawyer standing over them shouting and visibly aroused, while they cry on the floor without fear of rejection or judgment. They don't need you to do the perfect set up, they can do that in their office.

This shouldn't cost you anything it seems to me. Trying to charge $350 makes me nervous that Entity Doll is not the efficient manufacturer of dead eyed love mannequins that I need.

If you can't do it for free I will look elsewhere for my 250 sex dolls.

Jamie


From: Entity doll
Sent: 02 November 2016
To: Jamie
Subject: Re:Re: Inquiry

Dear Jamie

Tks for reply. We understand you words. and our other clients usually let us to take full  photos  
as their request too for  their new style or chosen style dolls.
and then they show to their customers.
and we charge them even more.

believe us, you pay some charge and get good work  pictures and a full set of photos.
this will be much help for cutomers to view how the doll is and buy it. it is not easy for next time to take photos if need more.
we usually take a set photos one time.

Yes, we are buying the cloths and wig now. they should be suitable for the doll.
Thoght the doll is entity doll ,not dead eyed love mannequins,to take photos also need  work.
Even a real people, to show its  beauty and dressed ,also need a good photo taker right?

To show our sincerity,we can afford some charge, and please your company also pay for us some charge as USD200.0

When you order, we can return this charge to you.

Tks
Kevin


From: Jamie
Sent: 02 November 2016
To: 'Entity doll'
Subject: RE: Re: Inquiry

No dice muchacho. I did a passable job in 20 minutes using photoshop. Cost: ZERO. Look, I even did the captions to go on the bus adverts:

SEND HER DOWN!  Barrister Fallopia Tubes is GUILTY...of wanting your body!’

 

‘WORKING LATE!  Stern solicitor Bart Footpath has an ASSet sale to handle! YOURS! Your ass!’

 

‘FRESH MEAT!  New trainees Douglas Fireplace and Cranberry Atlantic are taking down notes...AND THEIR PANTS! And your pants*!’



‘*Lawyer sex dolls have fully poseable but not motorised limbs. Customers will have to take down their own pants and their sex doll’s pants.’

 
20 minutes. What kind of sex doll business are you running here Kevin?

Jamie

*******************************

Will Kevin reply to what is obviously a wind-up? Will I secure an order of Lawyer Sex Dolls? Will you buy one for $2,200? Find out next week.
  

Comments

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anonymous user
16/11/2016 18:58
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2
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Jesus wept, you get paid to write this stuff Jamie?

It is a cracker. I snorted with laughter.
anonymous user
16/11/2016 22:02
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0
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While I am a Hatorade drinker, that genuinely made me laugh.
anonymous user
17/11/2016 06:38
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-4
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Pretending to be a potential client with a big order to provide content for your website isn't a great start. Moving on to the actual content. Lame, predictable and smacking of someone gushing over their own work.
anonymous user
17/11/2016 08:41
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0
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Err, clearly there are no dolls. It's just a scam to extort money for non existent samples.

Are you thick as well as humourless?
anonymous user
17/11/2016 13:10
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0
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Where is your evidence that this is not a bona fide sex doll supplier? Even if not then the piece manages only to improve from utter shit to mediocrity.
anonymous user
17/11/2016 22:37
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5
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I'm guessing it's absolutely a scam.

But in any event this is quality work Jamie. Made me laugh like a drain. Haters gonna hate, please ignore and keep them coming.
anonymous user
18/11/2016 07:25
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-6
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Someone disagreeing with your opinion isn't hate dear. You carry on laughing like a drain, snorting and whatever else makes you happy. I'll carry on not finding it remotely funny at all. Jamie up your game or I'll be finding another site to visit.
anonymous user
19/11/2016 23:27
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2
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xD xD xD xD xD (enough said)