A couple of weeks ago I alerted Roffers to the "President Erdogan Offensive Poetry Competition" being run by the Spectator.
Erdogan had clamped down on any form of criticism of himself, and the Spectator was attempting to make a serious point about press freedom by encouraging its readers to write the filthiest limerick imaginable about the president.
Perhaps inevitably, the winner was Boris Johnson
(coincidentally former editor of the Spectator) who took time off from badmouthing David Cameron and making ill-judged comments about Hitler to come up with this offering:
There was a young fellow from Ankara
Who was a terrific wankerer
Till he sowed his wild oats
With the help of a goat
But he didn’t even stop to thankera.
Absolutely pisspoor. If this is the best we can expect from the man who wants to be our next prime minister then God help us all. And it was clearly ripped off from the far superior, goat related effort by my colleague James:
Erdogan’s Turkish delight
Is a goat that’s too timid to fight
He pins down the Billy
And inserts his willy
Whilst Merkl applauds at the sight
My unsuccessful attempt was:
A slack-sphinctered Turk name of Er'gan
Is acutely ashamed, it is certain,
Of the humiliation
Of his defenestration
After fisting himself by a curtain.
And my colleague Jamie's:
Erdogan’s been banned from kids’ parties
For cramming his arse with the Smarties
Grunting “Wait, there's more”
He sh*ts on the floor
Then f*cks his urethra with car keys.
Here are a couple of the better entries from our readers:
Emine Erdogan, the wife
Had a perfectly charmed sort of life
'Til she was kidnapped by Brits
Who spunked on her tits
And now she's turning tricks up in Fife.
Erdogan is a dirty old Turk
Who sodomises Merkel like berserk
Eats the shit of a monkey
And rapes a male donkey
For him that’s all in a day’s work
And my favourite:
The president, like any good Turk'll,
Debase himself before Frau Merkel.
It may come to pass,
With dildo up arse,
He'll widen the European circle.
Thanks to all who wrote in.