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Lawyer's profile on "TV Talent Supermarket" reveals he is basically Patrick Bateman

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08 June 2016 16:41

A proportion of solicitors harbour an urge to be something else, something more, something rockstar. As another heavy mark-up is emailed back, as another client can't give instructions because they're yachting off Monaco, there are days, maybe all the days, when it's all they can do not to shout "I have had enough, [client contact]!" and quit to invest everything in a boutique fishburger joint. But that can appear rash to a lawyer, particularly given that lawyering encourages an aversion to risk on a par with Howard Hughes at his pee-drinking best. So what's the answer?

    Not this

Charles Cook has an answer. He's the managing partner and founder of Cook & Co, and as you can tell from his firm's profile photo, he is damn busy.

    This

Notice how Cook holds his phone like a boss just between his finger and thumb, right on the edge, with just the tips, signalling that he's a maverick not afraid to gamble (sexy), or at least has strong finger muscles (also sexy, imagine if it was your hair he was gripping against his cheek). His phone cover is the naughty knickers of phone covers, featuring a status peephole for the Apple logo which ensures that he won't be mistaken for a scumbag with a Huawei. Look at Cook's ripe Apple, all on display, oh yeah. As you can tell from the tilt, the photographer was so aroused they fell over.

So what is Cook's answer? Cook's answer is to be a star part-time. He doesn't need to risk it all. In fact, his day job is his passport to the other side of the velvet rope. How? He's available to purchase at the "TV Talent Supermarket", that's how.



Admittedly, the "Do you need a charismatic, young TV lawyer? Well...here he is" line sounds apologetic. Like, "Do you need a charismatic, young TV lawyer? Well...here he is. Sorry." Or, as if the narrator is himself surprised and disappointed with the goods. Like, "Do you need a charismatic, young TV lawyer? Well...here he is. Jesus. Pauline! Pauline! There's been a mistake! Really? This is him? Ugh. Who got him? Well tell Ian he's embarrassed me in front of Schofield." Or, an evil djinn revealing a monkey's paw of a wish, like "Do you need a charismatic, young TV lawyer? Well...here he is. AHAHAHA! No backsies, Wishmaster out".

When pop singers start out, they give interviews in Sugar magazine or, nowadays, Oh my Vlog!, in which they provide tween-appropriate facts. For some reason, the TV Talent Supermarket has taken the same approach with Cook, and thus we learn that the future Dr Phil of property sales and litigation has a second home in Salcombe.



There are some top, top facts here. Laytons is an "international law firm", apparently, even though its offices are in Bristol, Guilford, London and Manchester.

Cook's favourite colour is red. You now know that.

He enjoys "listening to a wide range of music including music from the era of the 80’s".  Forsooth, didst thou enjoy the Phil Collins concerto? Verily, tis from the era of the 80's and the drumming is righteous. I suspect it's not a wide range including music from the era of the 80s, though. I suspect it's solely music from the era of the 80s, plus whatever Patrick Bateman is listening to now. Yeezy and Robin Thicke.
 
He is an avid reader of Tony Robbins books, "which he finds motivating". Which is lucky because Robbins writes motivational books.

And Cook hates seafood. He hates seafood so much it makes it onto the list of key facts about Cook.
"Charles, a fun one, what food do you like?"
"I hate cod."

"Ok, but what do you like?"
"Not just cod. All fish. Trout, swordfish, seahorses. If I could, I'd boil off all the seas and stamp on every last one of them."
"But what do you like?
We want to be positive."
"I hate eating them, too. Oh boy, don't make me eat them! I will literally gag. I puked up a clam the other day."
"We can..we can put that down."


Of all his family, he likes spending time most of all with his grandfather who, it is made explicit, is 92. That's a grand old age. This is how you win X-Factor, with a story. Cook and his ancient grandfather, watching Wall Street on a powerboat in Cannes, spitting on fish. Sign him up, Fern.
  

Comments

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anonymous user
08/06/2016 13:09
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So he's 30, and qualified in 2003 (at 17?). I'm not having that.
anonymous user
08/06/2016 13:46
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He was born in August 1978. He's 38. Not the best for a sol to lie about their age....
anonymous user
08/06/2016 15:34
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Favourite film is Wall Street. Says it all.
anonymous user
08/06/2016 16:44
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Check out Jonathan Webb on the Cook & Co website. That's a candidate for Glamorous Solicitor right there. Gorgeous.
anonymous user
08/06/2016 22:26
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I like him, he seems like a real go getter. It will be good when he goes and gets another career. Good luck with that.
anonymous user
10/06/2016 05:35
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I like him. He's like a Gavin Edmondson for commercial work.
anonymous user
14/06/2016 12:53
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N.B. (in capitals because he seems to be shouting about it) no ring on that finger either, ladies. Hope he's on Tinder. Probably too busy though...
anonymous user
15/06/2016 12:21
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I know Charles personally and I would like to say he is a top bloke and highly respected in the Bristol market, but I can't.